I HAVE CHANGED - FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE

About 3 months ago, in fact when I started this Blog as a means to "get things off my chest" as the saying goes, I never imagined that what has happened would happen. My rants and rages, mostly stupid, mostly random rage and outright arrogance is visible and certainly "annoying" to some and downright blasphemy to others...

Certainly I have made enemies and lost friends as a result of this blog - I ask myself frequently the question "Do you know what you are doing?"

The WORD is a powerful medium - now I can give real honest credit to that fact - even more so than pictures/images, videos, the WORD - well written, well placed - can change a nation... no... even more so.... it can change the world.

I don't have the WORD - there are many much better than me that have it - I search for it, I can see it, I can feel it, it is there - but I can't grasp it...

Damn this life - why does it have to be so painful - we all hurt, somewhere hidden away - the most famous, the richest, the poorest, the most beautiful and the most ugly - the human experience is a difficult one... I am sure that everyone on this planet has at some point asked the question "Why"

YOU who reads this - you are there, living with all these same questions, doubts, and uncertainties - I know you are there - my experiences of life from the cradle to the present time tells me you are there - can I reach out over the distances, the cultures, the attitudes, the blindness and touch you and say "Hey, you are not alone" ?

I would like to - but with human nature being so diverse "what is convenient" to you might not be convenient to me - and vice versa....

So I am left with this blog - I have changed so much since I renounced religion, UFO's, ghosts, spirits, and all the other junk - instead of saying "It is God's Will" I now say "It is our fault"

If some decision or experience in my present life turns out bad or causes me stress I now say "It my own fault"

Gone are the days when I could just brush situations away and say "It's Gods Will"

The first 3 months without religion or beliefs are/were difficult - I was without "control" - no one to answer to, no responsibility for my actions apart from myself - and myself was "greedy" - myself was "lustful" - myself was "me" - I felt I could do what I wanted and there was no "remorse" - no punishment - I felt like a predator without bounds, and all the people and situations that exist were mine for exploiting - I felt I could do what I wanted because I have no soul to worry about...

Damn it - how wrong I was....